I have generously come up with a solution: Welcome to the Lonely Cocks Club! Not only will I be keeping you and your lonely cock company, but you can join and bask in the knowledge that you aren't alone, not truly—you'll be one of a large legion of lonely hand-humpers pumping all together! Physically apart, but united by the compulsive need to tug away the Valentine's blues. It would be sweet if it weren't so pathetic!
You're welcome, loser, and I hope you enjoy your time with the Lonely Cocks Club <3
The viewer is assumed to have a penis. Gender neutral.
